Taking Vows

I'm reading a book right now that speaks about Buddhist vows, but also vows in general that we take in our lives, like marriage vows, for example.

And I realize, there are not many vows that I've taken in my life. To be kind, to be good, to rescue dogs -- yes, all of those things I have strived for. But when it comes to distinct, actual vows, there have been very few.

I think it's time to change that. I think it's time to take vows that will give me peace, while also doing well for myself and all sentient beings.

1. As of October 1, I will quit smoking. It's bad for my health, it's a horrible example and it served a purpose at one time, but it doesn't anymore.

2. I am a gluten free (required) vegetarian (by choice), but I've only once taken a pledge to be vegan for 30 days. I did make it and I've never felt better in my life because I'm also casein intolerant. But it wasn't just about me. It was about me knowing that I was doing what was best for my body while at the same time doing what's best for our animal friends.

3. I vow to be a more patient person. With Meghan, with life, with Sean and in general.

4. I vow to spend at LEAST five minutes per day on my meditation cushion, with the goal of working up to more time.

5. Most importantly, I vow to let the past go. I've been hanging on to it like a ball and chain around my ankle that I've been dragging around for years. It's time.

I will be posting this on my altar at home to remind myself of these vows and do my best to keep them close to me at all times with the goal of eventually attaining them. There will be good days, and there will be bad. But every day is a new chance to start all over.

Sitting with Myself

Why is it so hard to just be with myself?

I always feel like I need the TV, computer, phone or something to keep me distracted from my thoughts.

What I want is just to be able to meditate and sit with myself quietly without feeling like my anxiety will take over.

I wonder what other people do. Do they write, do they listen to music, what?

What do they do?

I need to know the secret because there has to be one. I want to train my mind, but it's hard when it's moving in 100 different directions.

If you have any advice at all, I'd appreciate it.

Until next time...

Jenn

New Job Title

My new job title is Stay at Home Mom. I'm still getting used to saying it, let alone getting used to the idea of it.

This is such a journey for me. To find out who I am, what it is I really want to do - and then go for it. It's scary and exhilarating and comforting all at the same time.

My anxiety is through the roof because of finances...living on one income is going to be different for certain. Not to mention, this is the first time in my life since being a child that I've been "taken care of" by someone else. It's definitely different and unsettling to me.

But, it's what is needed for me to get passed this anxiety and depression - and most importantly - learn how to live with it and not go over the deep end. It's getting a little better every day. Reading books with Buddhist themes give me comfort and peace.

I suggest reading Hand Wash Cold: Care Instructions for an Ordinary Life, by Karen Maezen Miller. This book has really helped me understand both anxiety and depression, not to mention finding joy in the ordinary - including being a stay at home mom.

One of my favorite quotes from her book is as follows:

The instructions are in your hands. And when you follow them, you arrive clear and fresh - free of heartache, failure, fear, anger, and judgment - into a ready-made life of deep peace and genuine satisfaction. Fulfillment derives not from lofty achievements, but from ordinary feats. It arrives not once in a lifetime, but every moment of the livelong day.

Words to live by.

It Is Time

I've taken such a long break from this blog.

Truth is, after Yoda died, I feel like a part of me died too.

I let myself get numb by every addiction possible.

I let myself stop feeling anything at all so that I wouldn't have to feel grief.

And what that led me to was one mental breakdown...per year.

But I have choices and I've decided to make the choice that I'm done with all that.

It's time to get back to Enjoying the Zen.


“Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it.” 
-Buddha

Inspiration

It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.

~Buddha

What I'm Thankful For

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