8.11.10

this morning i worked out to a dvd.

the woman in the dvd annoys the shit out of me. i usually tune out what she has to say and just follow her steps.

and even though i've done this workout numerous times before, something she said this morning resonated with me.

"you have a long, positive life to live. be grateful for being able to move your body this way. god designed us to move - not to be sedentary creatures. you know, god is pretty smart."

okay, so besides the chirpyness (which i could do without at the butt crack of dawn) and the numerous references to god (which i think is wierd in a workout dvd) - she's right.

crazy-happy-chirpy-too smiley-fitness-lady is right.

what is the world coming to when i'm taking advice from this lady?

but - we aren't meant to be sedentary creatures. i hate (white hot, burning HATE) sitting at a desk all day. it kills me. physically, it makes me worse. it locks me up like you wouldn't believe.

and i just want to go outside and play.

sometimes i lay on the floor of my cube (not worthy of an office anymore) and watch the clouds roll by in the sky through my teeny, tiny almost non-existent window.

and i close my eyes and pretend i'm outside. fresh air, breathing in and listening to nature.

that's how i was meant to be.

but instead, i sit in this cage. yep. and for added measure, this "cube" actually resembles a cage. sometimes they let me out, but only when they want something.

so crazy gym lady is insane - but she's not in a cage. she must be doing something right.

even if i can't stand her.

sometimes

a girl just needs to share an apple with her dog.

yes, yes, yes

finally! confirmation that my fitbit is coming.

a ray of light. finally!

8.10.10

i have a case of the blahs this morning.

a bad dream last night that i just can't shake and some other thoughts running through my mind that i want to get past.

feeling a little disjointed (in a mental and physical sense) and disconnected.

trying to get back to me.

i miss yoga. but until my joint heals, i have to stay away.

meghan has been a little challenging lately.

life is a little challenging lately.

i'm destined for bigger things. i just know it.

i just have to get there.

life and death

so this weekend while we were gardening, we came across a lizard.

a very, um, *still* lizard.

meghan asked me if she could pick him up. i said sure.

she chickened out and wanted me to pick him up so i did.

she asked where his family is. i told her i didn't know.

she said that they will miss him so we have to get him back to his family.

i very gently but honestly told her, honey, he's dead though.

i looked at her very closely while she processed this information.

her eyes filled with shiny tears and she asked, but what about his family?

now it was my turn to tear up and i said, honey, i don't know. this is what happens in nature and we have to respect it.

she then asked me what happened.

i told her that stormie probably stepped on the lizard while trying to play with it.

she yelled at storm. i would venture to say that storm didn't care.

then meghan went back to her sandbox and played.

it's so hard to learn about about unpleasant things. i could see that she truly felt bad for this little lizard and his family.

and i had to be the one to teach her that lesson, which broke my heart.

but for all the crazy that this child is (and it's a lot of crazy) - she is a compassionate, sympathetic child.

i love her so much.

exhibit a

proof of my obsession: planted new organic garden.

i now have two kinds of eggplant, rosemary, pumpkin, squash, zucchini and tomatoes.

delish.

i hope it grows. this is the first time we've planted in our soil and not in a garden box on top of concrete.

we'll see.

if nothing else, i like playing in the dirt. fun.

may 2010 disney trip days 4 and 5