perspective

i woke up this morning very cranky. that's being kind.

i was being bitchy and evil.

because i woke up feeling locked up. my SI joint is out again. and i know it's from yoga that i did yesterday.

and i'm angry and bitter because i love yoga and feel like it's such a part of me ---just like running was --- and now it's another thing being taken away from me because of this injury.

so i have to abandon yoga. not forever, i tell myself, just until i get stronger.

i have been faithful - doing my physical therapy strengthening like it's my religion. because i want to be better. i want to feel better. i want to be me again.

and all of this makes me sad and angry and bitter. pity party for one, please.

and then this morning, i was driving to work. i take a shortcut through the projects because it's faster than staying on the main drag.

i see a man, walking. slowly. really, slow. like every step is painful for him. and i immediately feel a quiver because i know how he feels.

but unlike me, he is not in a comfortable car with the air conditioning on.

his hair isn't done, no nice work clothes. in fact, he doesn't even have shoes. he's pushing a grocery cart of his sparse belongings - all he has in the world is in that cart.

and i started to cry. and i'm crying now.

because i'm in pain. but he is too. and the difference is, i can do something about it. i have access to great orthopedic specialists and physical therapists who are helping me.

i complain about the copays, but truthfully, i can afford it.

i have a job that pays good money and has a sense of security in this very uncertain world.

but for an instant, just a moment, i felt a connection to this man. because i know his pain.

except this time, i was crying for him, not for me. i just wanted to help him, to hug him. to tell him i'm sorry.

that i'm sorry for both of us being in pain, but that mostly i'm sorry for feeling pity for myself. because i can't do yoga for a while?

no, i have no reason to complain. and i'm still angry that i'm in pain and that i have to deal with all of this in the first place.

but i'm lucky. and i'm thanking my lucky stars for everything i have.