on swimming and wanting to vomit

i never thought i'd be one of those parents.

tough love. i'm all about it.

i thought.

my girl went to her first swimming lesson tonight.

she happily and excitedly skipped her way to the side of the pool when her class was called.

she flipped her hair over her shoulder, the way she does to show that she's got this.

and then she went underwater.

oh. dear. god.

she screamed. i mean, screamed like she was being drowned.

she went between smiling and screaming, smiling and screaming. as did the teeny baby girl who was with her.

but i expected this after she fell in the pool a couple months ago.

and, when i told her that she was going to take swimming lessons, she politely said no thank you.

tough life chickie, you're going.

so we went.

what i didn't expect was my reaction.

i couldn't sit down.

i paced. i called sean in atlanta. i took a couple pictures. felt like i was going to throw up.

i wanted to run out to that pool, scoop up my baby and get her the hell out of dodge.

but - what would that teach her?

when things are hard and uncomfortable and scary, you quit?

no, not me. and not my girl.

so i busied myself. i checked my phone. called people. texted. looked at merchandise in their little store.

thank god for soundproofing. seriously.

i don't think i could have stood to hear her screams.

but at the end, she came out. she was proud. sniffling, she told me she went underwater but she breathed. she even said she'd come back next week (which is good, as i've paid already for eight weeks and she is learning how to swim whether she likes it or not).

then i bought her m&m's. too bad mommy couldn't buy a drink for herself.

maybe, just maybe - next week daddy can take her...