i'm pretty sure yoda had another stroke yesterday.
i came home to find poop on the floor and yoda didn't come to greet me.
i didn't want to go look for him because i thought for sure he would be gone.
he wasn't, but i found him collapsed on my bathroom floor, not able to use his hind legs and shaking violently.
i laid on the cold tile floor next to him and cried while pleading in my head to god to take him peacefully.
i know that sean will balk at this, and that's okay. i'm entitled to feel the way i do.
i don't want to see my boy suffer. and more than that, i don't like that he pleads with me with his eyes. i can feel his soul.
he and i have been soulmates from the moment we met. this is not him. this is not the way that he wants to be either.
how complicated these emotions are...that instead of praying to make him healthy, i'm praying for god to take him quietly? this is different for me.
but i know my boy and i know he doesn't want to live like this. i know he's ready. and i told him not to hang on for me. i'll be okay. i will.
his little paw print will forever be in my heart.
i didn't rescue him. he rescued me.
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