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i debated writing about this on my blog.

it's sad and this blog is about being zen and content.

and this is anything but zen and content.

but it's important. and it's what i'm feeling right now. and i feel the need to write and get it out.

sean and i found out yesterday that the dear family (parents and brother0 of friends of ours were murdered execution style in their home.

we have known them for about 10 years.

they were the nicest people. i mean that. the nicest people.

they were the kind of people who would literally give you anything you asked for...which is why i don't understand why this had to happen.

i'm so sad for them. what could have been. what the family is going through. how they will never trust again. never believe again. never sleep peacefully again.

and that this was done for money. and for what? they were arrested a week later. did they think they would be rich and get far?

i feel so let down by our justice system right now. i just don't think it should be so easy to walk the streets and have your freedom when you have a past of violent behavior and murder.

why is this okay?

and what's more - i'm struggling with the "why"...why them, why now, why did this have to happen at all? where is god in all of this? why is evil allowed to exist?

i just can't wrap my brain around this. i can't.

you see this stuff on the news and it hurts because you feel for people but when it happens to people that you KNOW - it's too close. too close.

and now i'm afraid. and i feel like the wind has been knocked out of me and i haven't been able to catch my breath since we found out.

and if i'm feeling like this - who is fairly removed - what on earth are the family members going through?

i want to scream. i want to cry. i want to run. but i do none of those things.

the more upset i am about something, the busier i am. i just keep myself busy.

so i've been very productive at work. very productive at home. my house is spotless.

but this makes me want to never leave meghan's side. never. i don't want anything bad to ever happen...and now i have to leave her for 4 days. how am i going to do that?

i don't feel safe. i feel like a very innocent part of me is gone.

it's too close to home.