there are times when pictures suffice to tell a story.
other times, words come easy and flow to paint a picture.
this time, neither seem to come easy or tell the story in the justice it should be given.
i've attempted to write this; several times in fact.
i've tried to put into words the emotions i feel and how empty and sinking it is.
but i fail every time.
so i will try to do good for him.
we lost yoda on tuesday.
right up there with having my girl two months early, this was the best and worst day of my life.
strange how you can feel both ways about it.
good because he isn't in pain and anymore and bad because i lost my best friend, my protector, and the only soul mate i've ever had.
thing is, i don't even believe in soul mates. i think people and animals are passing through life together and happen to cross paths at the same time. sometimes it's easy to know people, and sometimes it's really hard.
but this. this was something else. i have felt that the moment i looked into his eyes, he was mine.
he's always known what i've need and vice versa.
he's been through some of the most difficult times of my life and also some of the best.
he has handled being a rather ill pup on many occasion with nothing but grace and strength.
i wish i could be more like that.
when he died, i held his head against my chest so he could hear my heart beating as the last thing he would ever hear.
how appropriate it was because he was my heart and soul. it was something special.
i miss him.
as i type this on my computer, he is not at my feet, as he always was.
when i make dinner, i'm not tripping over him while he looks as pathetic as possible to get some scraps. i always gave him something quietly so the other dogs wouldn't know.
when i opened the closet to get a towel, there was his little harley davidson sweater. his comfort in the cold because he hated the cold, just like me.
i gave the dogs their monthly flea/heartworm pill and there was one left over.
when i feed the other dogs, i instinctively get a third scoop of food, only to realize there's no bowl to put it in anymore.
i wake in the middle of the night and reach for him, but he's not there.
he's gone. my sweet boy is gone.
i can't begin to describe how empty i feel. how lonely i feel. how i would give anything to kiss his sweet jowls just one more time.
the last words i said to him were, " goodbye my love", and he let out one last sigh. i think he was telling me goodbye too.
god, i miss him.
he is at peace now and for that i am happy.
but i'm so sad. so, so sad.
i will never, ever forget how much he gave to me and i can only hope that he felt the same.
my sweet boy, my bear, goodbye.
