8.31.10

last day of august! that means tomorrow is september. i love september. not just because it's my birthday month, but because i also love the fall.

we don't have seasons that change really but i can feel it in me. i noticed that they had the halloween decorations out at sam's club and target already. i can smell the apple and cinnamon. and don't even get me started on pumpkin chai lattes.

and then it's october...which to me is the best month of them all. aside from pledge drives and all that jazz.

but today - today is still august. and i will soak up all the rest of the august-ness (yes, i just made that up) that there is.

on the agenda today:

1. 5am workout: done. check!

2. crazy busy day at work. good. makes the time go by fast.

3. tea party at work that i organized and planned for my employee's birthday. what a tuesday without a tea party?

4. only two more days until we leave for savannah. i decided to take friday off work after all. because that's how i roll.

5. spending time with my girl tonight in the garden.

a good last day of august...that's what i'm aiming for.

it's the little things

here are a few simple things that i really enjoyed this weekend:

1. watching my girl fearlessly feed goats, horses, guinea pigs, ferrets, turtles, baby squirrels. i love the way she loves animals like her mama. i love her telling me that, "when she's all growed up, her is going to be a animal doctor." yay! free vet care!

2. red wine. 'nuff said.

3. watching cake boss while on the elliptical. sweating while watching buttercream. oh, the irony.

4. the smell of beer brewing. truthfully, the smell makes me nauseous. but the smell to me means family. when i smell beer brewing, i know he's home and eric is with him. that's when he's content and it makes me content. it's home to me.

5. watching the e! news coverage of the emmy's while eating vanilla ice cream with chocolate dreams peanut butter and banana chips. i just don't think there's anything better.

8.27.10

having a blah day today, but there's lots to look forward to.

1. (free!) dinner out tonight alone with sean while dad and donna watch my girl. she's all excited because she and nonna are making a pizza from scratch (that's going to be a mess!) and baking cookies.

2. my girl has a birthday party to go to tomorrow at a petting farm. i. love. animals. ever see elmira on tiny toons with animals? that's me.

3. my guy sent me flowers yesterday.

4. savannah is one week from today.

5. the weekend, baby! i'm all about sleeping in lately. can't get enough.

8.26.10

things i love today:

1. thirteen years since he and i started dating. that's just about half my life which is hard to wrap my brain around.

2. sleep. i just want to sleep.

3. my girl at swim lessons last night. she did so well. she jumped off the side and swam (swam!!!) to the alligator float in the middle of the pool. of course, she cried once she got there, but who am i to judge? she also got a ribbon for her swimming yesterday that she is so proud of. i want to put it in her keepsake box, but she insists on showing poppa first. i guess that works since he's babysitting her tomorrow night.

4. my leftovers from last night's dinner: orzo with eggplant, onion, zucchini, garlic, tomato, mushrooms, peppers and feta. no dressing or sauces needed. so good.

5. my girl actually eating what we were for dinner last night. this is a constant struggle in our (and everyone else with toddler) house. i refuse to serve her something different or let her exist on chicken nuggets. not going to happen. but last night, she ate the orzo. didn't touch the mahi mahi, but one out of two isn't bad.

6. my favorite part of yesterday: when i asked meghan what cows eat, she told me grass and ponies. which probably isn't that far from the truth these days.

8.25.10

things i love today:

1. my outfit. because i feel like a hippie flower child and that's who i am. i always feel torn between the "work me" and the "real me" when it comes to clothes. i want to look professional, but at the same time, it's just not who i am. when the two come together it's perfect. and comfy.

2. the rain continues. love the rain. so calming to me.

3. physical therapy today. yay for leaving early!

4. my girl. oh, my girl. she was telling me this morning that she loves her poppa because he gives her kisses and she loves her nonna because she tells her she's a beautiful princess. i love the way she loves my dad and donna. my dad is putty in her hands. they are exactly as grandparents should be - spoiling her rotten and doting on her. i can see why people say they wish they could have skipped to the grandparent part. i HATE when grandparents try to discipline and be parents. unless they are actually raising them. thankfully, most (most) of meg's grandparents are like this. let me do the parenting, you just give the love.

5. two words: enchilada casserole. i'm absolutely serious when i say i can eat this recipe of mine every day forever and never get sick of it. i crave it.

8.24.10

things i love today:

1. stevie nicks is dropping a new solo album i hear. must. have. it.

2. freezing chocolate dream peanut butter between two organic nilla wafers. tastes just like girl scout tagalongs. my fave.

3. the rain. i don't care if it's the first day of school and it makes traffic crazy. i love the rain.

4. my girl asking me for the 402,849th time if we are going to a disney hotel for christmas. she just HAS TO see mickey she says. i want it to be time now. 4 days of bliss for christmas at animal kingdom lodge? uhhh. yes, please.

5. it's not monday. always a good thing. and that much closer to savannah. woot!

6. my family. always. it's just the six (yeah, i count the dogs. so what?!) of us against the world and i love that. we would do anything for each other.

7. my yodi bearface not leaving my side yesterday. he just knows when i need him. and i need him right now. i do not need him on my feet licking my knees under the table while i eat though. my sweet boy.

fantasy world

here's where i wish i was today:

1. in paris at a bistro, sipping a latte and eating a perfect croissant. then i would head to class at le cordon bleu. c'est ci bon.

2. with my girl, snuggling under mountains of down comforters and eating peanut butter m&m's while watching spongebob. in a five star hotel. it's the simple things.

3. in greece, dipping my toes into culture. kala ime.

4. in italy, positively soaking in everything around me. the architechture, the people, the language, the food. molto bene.

5. in spain, flamenco dancing and taking in picasso and dali art. estoy bien.

le sigh...one can dream.

the importance of self-image

i was angry.

no, not angry. I was seething with fury.

when meghan asked me if she was fat because Nona (his mom, not MY Nonna) said that her belly was fat...there are no words.

and i immediately called sean and told him to talk to his mother. or i would. and let's all be honest and acknowledge that i have a tongue that can cut you when i feel betrayed. she is too fragile for my wrath. this i know.

and he did talk to her and she apologized, not realizing that by her calling herself fat, it made my three year old question the way she looks.

i've thought about this.

i've stewed about this.

i've done some real soul searching.

and i'm angry.

i want her upbringing to be everything mine was not.

i want her to be fed healthy, wholesome food and be taught to listen to her body and not what "should" be done.

i want to teach her that people come in all shapes and sizes, but for HEALTH reasons, we must exercise and eat well - minimally processed food and as little meat as possible.

i think i have a vegetarian on my hands which i'm thrilled for.

but i digress. i love that i have a three year old who works out with me. she does yoga and knows the positions (her favorite is down dog), she does my physical therapy exercises with me, she even uses my elliptical machine.

because it's fun.

and it should be fun.

i want to teach her a love for all things athletic and healthy.

why?

because it's important to me.

why?

honestly, because i feel like i didn't have a good example at any time while growing up.

we are all a product of our upbringing.

nature versus nurture.

unfortunately, my upbringing was filled with fast food, canned food, processed meat, hamburger helper and onion dip.

the only thing of the above list that i even eat anymore is onion dip, but only a healthified, organic version with clean chips.

my point being, i want to be the example.

i don't want her to be like me, struggling for much of her existence with food and body image.

i want to teach her that you don't eat because it's 6pm. you don't eat because you are bored. you don't eat because you are emotional. you don't eat because someone else thinks you should. you don't clean your plate unless you are hungry enough to do so.

she will not be a statistic. i am determined in this.

but i don't beat it into her.

i set a good example. i make it fun. i cook with her. i garden with her. i teach her that food can be wholesome and delicious and fun - and so can exercise.

i so hope this rubs off on her. she is so beautiful in so many ways. i just want her to feel that way too - and strong, healthy and confident.

i feel that way too - but it's from my own journey thanks to no one else but me. i'd like it to be easier on her if possible.

i just want all of the best for her. and what better way to give her the best than to boost her self-image and have her be the healthiest person possible?

these are just a stream of consciousness running together, but writing about it is therapy for me. i was so angry. i'm still a little angry.

but if nothing else, this is my wake up call for what is to come. and i will teach her to love herself and others.

finding the funk

so meghan and i were on our own last night with the big guy out of town.

it's was "just us chickies" as we like to say. (which i love)

so something in our house smells. we have the funk. and not in a good way.

i don't know if something died or there is rotting food somewhere that we can't find. but it smells. bad.

so meg and i were on a hunt for the funk last night.

i tried desperately to cover the smell. i lit candles. i sprayed air freshener. no dice.

we have it narrowed down to the kitchen area. so we spent a lot of time last night outside gardening, swimming and in the bedrooms to get away from the smell.

it's not the garbage. it's not the sink. it's not in the fridge.

i can't find it.

the mystery continues...

8.19.10

random musings by jenn:

1. i loved watching meg at her swim lessons yesterday. i secretly hope she will be an athletic swimmer. or something. but not a couch potato.

2. when meghan said that she is going to be a cheerleader when she grows up someday, i threw up in my mouth a little. hmm. would i rather her be a stripper or cheerleader? not much of a difference i suppose, but i'll go with cheerleader.

3. sometimes there is nothing more comforting than a mug of tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich on a rainy day. lovessss it.

4. i secretly hate facebook but i'm addicted to it. damn social networking. i hate it when people post random crap...but isn't that the point? ce la vie.

5. two weeks from tomorrow i will be in savannah, georgia. can't. wait. not that i'm counting or anything. this is the furthest i've been from meghan though so i'm kind of worried. trying to push that back right now.

debauchery - august edition

8.17.10

here's what i love today:

1. meghan sitting on the chair i use to do my physical therapy and giving me a kiss every time i come up to standing position.

2. my awesome dessert concoction last night: natural vanilla ice cream, peanut butter & company dark chocolate dreams peanut butter, and a sprinkling of organic banana chips. shut. up.

3. it's not monday. nuff said.

4. middle of the night showdown with daisy. at 2:30am, i get out of the bathroom. we make eye contact. both of us glance sideways to my pillow. i hurdle a sleeping sean to get to my side of the bed but it was too late. by the time i laid back, she was already curled up on my pillow. she is stealthy. so we shared by pillow. but that's okay because she's soft and squishy.

5. physical therapy today. i get to leave work early and get cracked up and stretched out and rubbed on. my favorite things!

8.16.10

things i love today:

1. my new fitbit. in. love. was worth the bitter (who me?) wait.

2. my new belly button piercing. i've always wanted one.

3. sleeping in, even if it means pissing off people at work.

4. organic vanilla wafers from whole foods. okay, these are not nilla wafers (blech, no thank you) but rather taste like buttery, sweet shortbread heaven. without the pesky calories, chemicals and fat.

5. doing nothing. yep. i was so busy this weekend that doing nothing is about all that sounds good right now. and a nap.

in theory: weekends

weekends are good. in concept.

but they are never as simple as they used to be.

as i was driving to work this morning and thinking about all i needed to get done this weekend, it made me take a look back at how i used to feel about it.

i remember in middle school and high school, if i didn't have weekend plans i was devastated. i say that emphatically - devastated. you would have thought it was the end of the world. oh, the drama.

i couldn't understand how my parents thought it was okay to just sit around and get things done around the house. how is that fun?

now, i'm looking at my list for the next two days:

storm's vet appointment
grocery shopping
sam's club shopping
target to get birthday present for meg's friend
cooking
cleaning
laundry
home repair stuff
mowing the lawn
chuck e cheese birthday party for meg's friend
brewing beer
bucs game
saturday night out with the girls (benefit show in ybor)

i don't even think that's the whole list.

i need to come to work just to get a break.

le sigh.

weekends used to be for fun. now i wish they would slow down and all i had to do was clean and wash clothes.

talk about a total 180 from my high school days.

i remember when we did actually have plans, they usually involved sitting around at someone's house or an empty parking lot and chain smoking cigarettes while talking about "deep" issues and listening to rock music. we thought we were so cool.

but we were bored. and we all swore that when we grew up, we would have things to do.

now i have things to do, and i would rather sit around, listen to rock music while smoking cigarettes and drinking wine. at least i'm legal now.

but alas, times have changed and so have i.

i probably wouldn't go back if you paid me.

but it would be nice to have a weekend of nothing again.

i'm tired just thinking about it.

on swimming and wanting to vomit

i never thought i'd be one of those parents.

tough love. i'm all about it.

i thought.

my girl went to her first swimming lesson tonight.

she happily and excitedly skipped her way to the side of the pool when her class was called.

she flipped her hair over her shoulder, the way she does to show that she's got this.

and then she went underwater.

oh. dear. god.

she screamed. i mean, screamed like she was being drowned.

she went between smiling and screaming, smiling and screaming. as did the teeny baby girl who was with her.

but i expected this after she fell in the pool a couple months ago.

and, when i told her that she was going to take swimming lessons, she politely said no thank you.

tough life chickie, you're going.

so we went.

what i didn't expect was my reaction.

i couldn't sit down.

i paced. i called sean in atlanta. i took a couple pictures. felt like i was going to throw up.

i wanted to run out to that pool, scoop up my baby and get her the hell out of dodge.

but - what would that teach her?

when things are hard and uncomfortable and scary, you quit?

no, not me. and not my girl.

so i busied myself. i checked my phone. called people. texted. looked at merchandise in their little store.

thank god for soundproofing. seriously.

i don't think i could have stood to hear her screams.

but at the end, she came out. she was proud. sniffling, she told me she went underwater but she breathed. she even said she'd come back next week (which is good, as i've paid already for eight weeks and she is learning how to swim whether she likes it or not).

then i bought her m&m's. too bad mommy couldn't buy a drink for herself.

maybe, just maybe - next week daddy can take her...