the zen of things

as i've spent some time in the last year learning everything i can about buddhism and meditation, yoga and freeing the mind toward enlightenment, i find myself being different.

the same, but different.

i catch myself being quieter. i remind meg to speak gently instead of telling her that what she said was nasty or ugly.

so much so that now when i do get caught in a moment of raising my voice, she reminds me to be gentle. and not in an obnoxious way. i feel like we all need reminders to be gentle and quiet now and again.

i find myself saying that something was ugly or mean of me to even think, let alone say.

i'm judgmental.

well, we are all judgmental. it's the nature of who we are, as a result of this society we live in.

but i live in a place of being terminally annoyed, constantly wanting people to get out of my face.

and i'm reminded that others' opinions are a projection of their own reality, not mine. and vice versa.

so when i'm feeling particularly hostile toward a person who has done nothing to me (other than breathing in my space) - it's my issue, not theirs.

i catch myself thinking negatively and immediately recognizing it - and trying to turn it around.

i find that i'm more calm than i ever have been and i also do alot more observing, rather than talking.

i'm reading a compilation of short buddhist writings right now and there was a particular one that spoke to me - and it spoke of noticing.

he used the example of drinking tea. the simple, fundamental pleasure of drinking a cup of hot tea.

but instead, we are not drinking tea. we are emailing, answering calls, working on six different projects and trying to schedule the next thing.

we don't notice...we are just doing. there is a difference.

so this past week, i have made it a point to notice.

i go for a walk each day and close my mind to thoughts - the ones that tell me i have 10,483 waiting for me to take care of and i just notice.

i notice that the sky is brilliant and blue, i notice that the wind feels amazing when it blows through my hair, i notice that i love the feel of warmth on my skin from the sun. i notice other people, and what they are doing. i notice their emotions and their demeanor. i watch, i listen, i notice. every leaf i see, i notice it.

i don't take anything for granted.

and you know what? it's so freeing and calming. just peace and quiet. contentment. enjoyment.

truly enjoying the zen.